Thursday, July 24, 2008

There's No Easy Way

July is one particular month of the year that brings me back in time with both sadness and joy in my heart. Let me share with you why.

July 23, 1999: My husband (let's call him T.) was unusually quiet during dinner. I could sense that his mind was far, far away. After eating I confronted him in our room and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He tactlessly confessed that he impregnated M. (our Quality Controller) and he decided he'll be leaving me to be with her.

I felt a bomb has just been dropped. I closed my eyes, hoping that someone would wake me up from this terrible nightmare. I prayed "God, tell me this is not really happening. Tell me I am just having a bad dream. "

When I finally got the courage to open my eyes, T. was already putting his clothes in his travelling bag. I hurriedly got his clothes out of the bag and we started a tug of war with his clothes.

Then he told me--"Patawarin mo ako, Ma. Nagsinungaling ako sa iyo. Hindi talaga kita mahal. Naawa lang ako sa iyo kaya kita pinakasalan." (Forgive me, Ma. I lied to you. I didn't really love you. I only took pity on you, that's why I married you)

My whole body just went numb. I reminded him that he courted me for two years before I agreed to his marriage proposal, that he already brought the wedding rings when he came home from Saudi Arabia. And why should he pity me when I was having the fun of my life as an independent single woman?

He acted as someone who has just been injected with anesthesia. He told me he could have loved me, but not completely. I asked him if he really loved M. He answered not really, but nobody will take care of her. I then asked him what about Gio, our 2-year old son and the 5-month old baby in my womb--didn't they deserve a father's love? Why would he choose to be with his mistress and not us? He said I have my parents to take care of me while M. has no one to turn to.

When he was about to leave, I knelt before him, hugged his knees and begged him not to abandon us. (Looking back, I can honestly say neither Vilma Santos nor Maricel Soriano could match my tear-jerking performance that night.) I promised him I would find a comfortable place for M. and ensure that responsible people will take good care of her. After 3 hours of begging and crying, he decided to stay.

But in my mind, I said to myself "no man will ever abandon me and my children. When the right time comes, I will be the one to leave my husband."

The very next day I was with T. and Gio talking to the social worker in Haven, the Center for Unwed Mothers in Alabang. She asked me why her boyfriend cannot possibly marry her. With T. sitting right beside me, I answered her that M.'s boyfriend was a family man.

Fast forward to May 14,2002: True to my word, I left my husband after 3 years of preparing myself to live without a man in my life. With Ate Ella and my 2 children in tow, we boarded the Super Ferry and escaped to Cebu, my sanctuary when I was still single. If you want to know about the full story of our GETAWAY, you may go to my blog archive and click Aug. 12, 2007.

When T. arrived home at around 11:30 PM, his clothes and personal belongings were already waiting for him in the garage. After reading my farewell letter on top of his bag, he had no choice but to leave. He didn't even get the chance to enter the house because he had no key and I wasn't there to open the door for him. We were, at that time, living with my parents.

I formally filed my Petition for Marriage Annulment on Aug. 14, 2002. The Public Prosecutor thought it was too early to file, having been separated for only 3 months. I patiently explained to her that the whole decision-making process started on July 23, 1999. It took me 3 years to finally realize that enough is ENOUGH.

When is enough "ENOUGH"? Watch for it in one of my posts (heh heh heh...).

14 comments:

  1. Hi Miss Nora, thank you for dropping by and leaving a very nice comment in my Personal blog... Ours is a different story. No third party's whatsoever. I'm still afraid to post the true details - maybe after a run one of this days? :)

    Sky and I are still with my parents now. And now, I'm just wondering if he really loves me? I'm just waiting for him now - if he'll compromise and apologize to me and my family.

    It's very difficult for me right now - but I know it's all worth it when I see my 18 month old boy smile at me.

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  2. G., I didn't leave my husband because of a 3rd, 4th, nth party. Believe me his womanizing was the LEAST of my worries. I had to leave him because I couldn't find one, solid reason why I should continue living with him. More about this in one of my next posts. Hang in there, G. Hope to see you soon.

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  3. Masyadong madrama ang kwento mo, Nora -- to lighten the mood, I think, we should create a script of your life so that I forward to my president Charo to feature on Maalaala Mo Kaya!! We'll have your life story immortalize but the last part of the show will, of course, feature you as a runner -- kasama na kami lahat sa eksena -- your runner-blogger friends -- if we tape in November, we can even ask SFRunner(a.k.a. Wayne) to join us!! Better than crying over spilt milk!! di ba??

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  4. Hah hah hah...I had a real blast reading your comment, Johnny! Actually my cousin Jun del Rosario (formerly part of the ABS-CBN family) already proposed that idea to me but that time, I couldn't think of a wonderful ending. Now that you have conceptualize to finish the show with a dramatic and inspiring scene with our runner blogger friends (including Wayne!)...when can we start taping? (heh heh...)

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  5. Hmm. I don't think I ever met Jun. Sayang, he's not with ABS anymore? Anyway, as you said, Life does begin at 50 -- kaya't let's show the world what the golderners can do!!! Medyo maraming lang aray at ouch!! he! he!

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  6. YES, Johnny! Good luck in the SF Marathon this Sunday. Enjoy your 5k Run. I'm already excited to see the pictures in your blog.

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  7. Hehe, Nora, if you ever consider the suggestion from Johnny Sy, may I suggest Vilma S. or Ai-Ai (both can do justice to the role) then Richard Guiterrez to play the young T. (joke, joke :-)

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  8. That would be a real blockbuster episode of MMK hah hah ... See you this Sunday, Gene. Hope the weather cooperates with us. Let it rain now until Saturday, but pls not on Sunday!

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  9. Bakit Vilma -- di ba dapat Nora? :-)

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  10. Long story, Johnny! But if you visit my Aug. 12, 2007 entry entitled "Julia Roberts, Vilma Santos and Me" you'll know why heh heh...

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  11. Very sad talaga nangyari sa iyo and the kids too. Men are weak, subject to mistakes and sins. It's only GOD that we can truly TRUST, our REFUGE.

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  12. Gio was the most affected of all, Dan. But through prayer (and psychotherapy) he has now learned to accept the painful truth that his father and mother could never be together again.

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  13. Nora,it is only now that i read your story about your former husband.iam here not to judge but only to pray for your family. I always believe in making it work out and the santity of marriage but then again who am i to judge. When life problems burden you pray and go for that run. one of my best runs is when iam in a depress mood. take care.

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  14. I am also a firm believer in the sanctity of marriage, Patrick. But when there is deception right from the very start, when the reason of marrying someone is other than true love, then there is really no marriage that could be considered in the first place.

    Thank you so much for the inspiration Patrick. I know how busy you are yet you found time to read my other posts not related to running. Well, in a way it is related to running because as you said, one of your best runs is when you're in a depressed mood. Running is therapeutic to most runners. It certainly worked for me.

    Take care too and God bless your family.

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