“IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL”

The first time I laid my eyes on him, time stood still.

Literally.

When I glanced at my watch to check if he made it to our 7pm appointment, I found out that my watch stopped running at 7pm hahahah  .  .  .

He was 50 meters away from me but I could tell he was taller than 5’7” because he was able to reach the lock of our gate from the outside.

When he finally entered the premises of our garments workshop, I thought I was staring at Miguel Rodriguez in the flesh.  I told myself “THIS IS THE MAN I AM GOING TO MARRY!”

He flashed a smile that simply took my breath away.

I had to remind myself that I should breathe in, breathe out or I would die!  I consciously forced myself to inhale and exhale.

Feeling that my heart would burst and my wobbling knees would fall, I struggled to say “pasok ka”.

Hearing his cue, he walked elegantly towards me.  He was gallantly dressed and wore polished shoes. I gasped at the way he carried himself.  Everything about him was tantalizing.  It reminded me of how Lino Brocka was mesmerized to take Philip Salvador under his wings and became his protege after observing Philip strode gracefully towards him during his audition to stardom  .  .  .   I felt the same way.

When we were finally face to face opposite each other, he briefly introduced himself and tenderly shook my hands.  The moment we touched, I felt a bolt of electricity hit me and spread throughout my body.

I couldn’t help but admire his captivating voice, his enigmatic smile, his perfectly chiseled teeth, his well-kept wavy hair.  His delicate hands and very clean fingernails surprised me the most.  I came from a lineage of mechanics and I have never seen dirt-free fingernails of my mechanic uncles and cousins.  And how could the hands of a mechanic be softer than mine?  Unbelievable!

Random thoughts instantly filled my curious mind.  “Maybe this guy come from an affluent family and fixing industrial sewing machines is just one of his hobbies.  Or he’s really a ramp model and a sewing mechanic on the side.”

“Are you sure you’re a mechanic and not a fashion model?” I blurted out.

He almost choked laughing and assured me that he was the guy I’m waiting for.  (“YES YOU ARE!”—I screamed inside.)

I teased him that if he ever wanted to change profession and enter the world of entertainment, I would be willing to be his Talent Manager. We both laughed at what I said, as if we’ve been best friends since forever.

Some impossible dreams actually come true and the fantasy of marrying my Prince Charming became a reality.

5 years after that surreal meeting, I just woke up one morning wearing the wedding ring of my Knight in Shining Armour .  .  .  Or so I thought.

5 years later, I just woke up one morning scheming how I could break free from this fairy tale.  What they say is true.  Love at first sight carries an expiration date.

5 years later, I just woke up one morning celebrating my Single Status again!  Out of the thousands who filed for a Petition for Marriage Annulment in our Family Court, mine was the only one granted.

Today is this person’s 51st birthday.  I thank God for giving him to me to be the father of my 2 precious jewels Gio and Eia.  Our union may be short-lived but he gave me 2 special children to be with me forever.  Gio and Eia taught me what unconditional love and true happiness meant.

To Jackie of Love Radio who had the dilemma of whether to remain single and regret it for the rest of her life OR get married and wished she were dead—take it from Alfred Lord Tennyson.

IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL!

(Thanks for dropping by my blog.  Feel free to send your comments or reactions via Messenger or to ndelr62@gmail.com.  Stay safe everyone!)

What Time Is It?

A former Elementary admirer recently asked me why I was still working when I should be relaxing already.

I am almost 63 but working still.  Not because I want to but because I need to.  When laziness creeps in, I turn to this reminder I made during one of those days when I just wanted to surrender and give up (and wished that God bless me with a darling hubby who would provide for our family hahahah  .  .  .  ).

My reminder says:

HEY YOU:

There will come a time when you will no longer need to actively work inorder to earn money.  You may still work but not because you need to, but because you want to. That day will come when you can just relax the whole day watching Kissasian.sh (Netfix to some) and passive income will still come pouring in.  There will ccme a time when you will no longer need to be stringent with your household budget because your earnings will outlive even your children’s or dependents’  life spans.

But that time is NOT now.

Today you work hard.  

Serve your clients’ needs with passion, love and diligence.

Expand your comfort zone.

Broaden your territory.

Maximize your side hustle.

Constantly search for investment opportunities.

Find more ways to grow your finances.

Now is NOT the time to relax.

Now is the time to work really hard.

PRIORITIZE.

How about you?  If you re-examine your life now, is it time to pause or time to pivot?  Is it time to relax or time to work hard?  Do you recklessly spend in your spare time instead of finding ways to earn more?

(Thanks for dropping by my blog.  Feel free to send your comments or reactions via Messenger or to ndelr62@gmail.com.  Stay safe everyone!)

The Pain of Losing Tatay and the Joy of Running 50k at 55

Ran my first 5k Race when I turned 50.  

5 years later, I dared to attempt my first 50k.

For someone who vowed never to run beyond 5k, it took a tragic incident to trigger the passion and the purpose to run an ultramarathon.

My father and mother never agreed on anything but strangely enough, they were both against my running and joining races.  They had a litany of reasons why I should stop “acting like a child”.  I argued with them that running was therapeutic for me—much cheaper than engaging with a psychotherapist.  They would uselessly worry everytime I join a race but couldn’t do anything to prevent me (their precious unica hija) from leaving the comfort of our home.

Then on November 4, 2012, the unexpected happened.  Without any lingering medical illness, Tatay announced out of the blue:  “Pagod na ako.  Gusto ko ng magpahinga.”  And by that he meant to Rest In Peace, not just to take a break.

Fearing for the unknown, I frantically informed his remaining siblings, friends, and relatives to visit him that very day so they could talk to him while he was still with us.  He specifically asked for my friend Mimi who is now a renowned gastroenterologist.  Mimi rushed to Las Piñas City from Batasan Hills, Quezon City together with Elsa and Malou, all friends from my dearest hometown Marbel, South Cotabato (now Koronadal City).  Thanks to them, I saw Tatay very happy!

People close to my father came from near and far to see him.  He still cracked jokes and laughed with them until evening.  Seeing how delighted he was with the people he loved, we thought Tatay would still be with us for years.

When Mimi examined Tatay in the morning, she was honest enough to warn me that Tatay would be most likely to leave very soon.  She said we should be ready for the worst.  But how can one be ready to let go of a father or a mother?  Inspite of Mimi’s advice, we did not anticipate that after my children and I arrive from the 8:30pm Sunday mass, Tatay would breathe his last.

I used to believe that unrequited love was the most painful of all human experiences.

I was wrong.

The passing away of someone you deeply love digs a hole in your heart that you cannot seem to endure.  You would have just wanted to disappear from the face of the earth but choose to hang on because your family needs you to care for them.

Everyday since my father’s untimely demise up to his 1st Death Anniversary, I wore black. Everything from undies, running gear, tennis outfit, house garments, outside clothes, business attire, cocktail dress, long gown, to my sleepwear were dominantly black.  For me, black complemented my sorrow and pain.

I worked harder and ran longer but shunned away from any organized race from November 2012 until November 2013.  It was my deliberate form of sacrifice to pay respect to my dear Tatay, to send a message that my heart was profusely grieving.

Working harder kept me occupied and running longer kept me sane.  I thought of doing something spectacular and significant that would commemorate the end of my whole-year hiatus from foot races. That’s when the crazy idea of joining a 50k Ultramarathon toyed my mind.

 I have raised funds for DSAPI (Down Syndrome Assn. of the Phils. Inc.) when I ran my first 5k Race and first marathon (42.195km).  It would logically be appropriate that I level up to 50k Ultra if I were to raise funds for DSAPI again.  I have already been logging more miles into my personal Training Journal.  I have run distances I never thought I could run before.  As the saying goes—YOU CAN’T RUN AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS, BUT YOU CAN RUN YOUR PROBLEMS AWAY!

Besides, Tatay won’t needlessly worry about me running 50k anymore because he is no longer living with us.  This time around, he could be looking down from heaven joyfully clapping his hands cheering for me.

Can’t We Start Over Again?

Yes, you’re right.  It is one of Jose Mari Chan’s hits.  My “Puppy Love” said this to me last night.  I truly admire this person’s bravery and honesty.  But some things are just not meant to be.  Almost always, “starting over again” is beyond reach.

But writing again in this blog is definitely possible!  Yes, after almost 8 years of self-imposed hiatus, I will try my very best to “start over again”.  It won’t be easy but hey, life itself is not easy.

I dropped my pen when I started training for my first Ultramarathon.  Much has happened since then.  So many stories to tell.  Don’t know where and how to begin.  But for now, I am simply signifying my desire to start over again!  So help me God.