Julia Roberts, Vilma Santos and Me

1991: In the film "Sleeping with the Enemy", Julia Roberts staged her own death, fled to a new town and acquired a new identity in order to escape her abusive husband.

1993: In the film "Ikaw Lang", Vilma Santos tried to escape from her psychotic husband. She planned to leave on the day when Cesar Montano was bound for a business trip. He already left the house but forgot something important so he went back and looked under the bed where he accidentally discovered the packed suitcase of his wife. Vilma was brutally beaten, hog-tied in a sack and thrown into Pasig River for dead.

2002: In the true story of my life, I planned my escape from my EX inspired by the 2 films mentioned above.

Following the footsteps of Julia Roberts and Vilma Santos, I wanted to go far away where my husband couldn't possibly reach. I purchased 4 Super Ferry tickets going to Cebu as early as March 2002. But I had no heart to spoil Tatay and Nanay's 45th Wedding Anniversary in April 4. Then it was Nanay's birthday May 10 and Mother's Day May 12. Unfortunately, May 13 fell on a Monday which is color coding for the Revo with plate # WHR811. So the nearest date was Tuesday—May 14, 2002.

I didn't want to suffer the same fate with Vilma Santos so I didn't pack our things yet. I only arranged our clothes inside the cabinet and waited for the right time to put them inside the suitcase.

Came May 14, 2002: My EX was reading the newspaper after having his breakfast at @ 7:00 AM while I was nervously waiting for him to take a bath and leave for work. I waited 2 months for this day and I couldn't afford any change in my plan. It was @8:00 AM when he finally announced that he's leaving. I carried his attache case and escorted him to the Tamaraw FX. He was not allowed to lift anything because of lumbar dislocation. I hugged and kissed him long for the last time. I waited for 15 minutes at the pavement just in case he forgot something and went back. 

Unlike Julia and Vilma, I was leaving with 3 persons in tow: Ate Ella, Gio and Eia who were only 4 and 2 years old then. After I was convinced that my husband won't be coming back anymore, I went inside and told Ate Ella to pack her things (she only knew about my plan the night before, around midnight. I recall vividly her reaction after telling her that I was leaving my husband. She broke into tears and had to sit down because her knees were literally shaking).

I started packing our clothes and some toys and books for the kids. I felt like Julia Roberts when she was packing hurriedly inside their house after swimming far from the sea where she fell overboard. She was dripping wet from her swim while my sweat was also dripping out of anxiety and excitement.

It only took me 30 minutes to pack everything that we needed. During this time Gio was bombarding me with a lot of questions like "Why are you packing my clothes? Why are you packing my toys?" I told him we will go to an orphanage and donate his clothes and toys but no need to worry because I will replace them with new ones. He didn't want to go with us but when I mentioned the magic word M-A-L-L, he immediately took a bath and dressed up.

We said goodbye to Tatay who thought that we were only going to Eia's speech therapy at Communicare. We passed by the post office to drop my letter for her mother, a xeroxed copy of my farewell letter to her son. I also left a letter for my father, with instructions that my helper give it to him after his dinner.

Our next stop was El Ciudad del Rey, where Nanay was waiting for us (how I told nanay about my plan will be in a separate post). We transferred our things from the Revo to Nanay's Pajero and after enjoying the delicious merienda offered by no less than Mr. Rodrigo de los Reyes (former President of Philamlife), we headed for the pier. Sir RR was so kind to include the Revo in his garage together with his collection of vintage cars.

At this point, Nanay's driver was boiling mad already because he had no idea what was happening and where we were going. I specifically asked Nanay not to tell him that we're going to Cebu. We told him that we're going to Japan, much to the surprise and delight of Gio, who was dying to go there because of his favorite TV program, "Oh, Tokyo".

Julia Roberts heaved a sigh of relief when she finally boarded the bus going to the town where her mother's Care Home was. As for me, I was still receiving calls and texts from my husband who wanted to borrow the Revo because he couldn't leave Las Pinas in the Tamaraw Fx, which was color coding during Tuesdays (another reason why I chose to leave on a Tuesday). I texted him that we were going to Bulacan for my TMJ follow-up.

When I finally lied down on my bed in our cabin and felt the cushion at my back, that's the time I heaved a sigh of relief. I felt a big weight removed from my shoulder. I just felt sooh light. I wanted to shout "I'm free!" I called my priest-friend and told him we're already in the boat going to Cebu. He told me he will pray for our safe trip and I thanked him for all the prayers and support he has given me since I decided to leave my husband.

I also had to inform my friend Angie because during that time, she calls me in the house once or twice a day. (In Sleeping with the Enemy, Julia's husband suspected that she was alive when a friend called to offer condolences to the husband. He found out that she took swimming lessons when all the while he knew that she was afraid of the water.)

Angie was really shocked upon learning everything because according to her, she didn't suspect that I was carrying a heavy burden based from the way I talked over the phone. We talked everyday and I always sounded vibrantly happy. I suffered for 5 years and nobody knew about it. If my life were a movie, I could have bagged the "Best Actress" trophy.

When my husband arrived home @11:30 PM he was surprised to find his clothes and personal belongings gathered in the garage with my farewell letter on top of his travel bag. I instructed the helpers to call the security guard if he makes an attempt to enter the house. But he didn't dare anymore. According to them, he just cried and cried (perhaps over the shoulders of B-bheng whom he eventually courted and lived with since February 2003. They now have 2 children.)

While Cesar Montano tried to kill Vilma Santos, my husband tried to "kill" himself. The following day, it was published on a tabloid "Nagsaksak sa sarili, dinala rin ang sarili sa ospital". Julia's husband moved from town to town in search for her. So was my husband. (will try to write about this episode in another post)

Since I didn't inform anybody about my plan, it so happened that Tess and the whole family were vacationing in the States when we arrived in Cebu. Although she wanted us to stay in her new mansion, I asked Dorene (her sister-in-law) if we could stay in their home. She and her daughter Issa were more than happy to accommodate us. Thank you, thank you Dors and Issa. We enjoyed every moment in Cebu because of you. I never saw Gio as happy as he was when we were there. We could have stayed with you forever but had no choice but to go back home after 10 days.

Why???

Well, that's another story.

I Made It Through the Rain

I know what you're thinking. You probably think I still ran in spite of the heavy rain. Sorry to disappoint you but I didn't. Hmm . . . maybe when I could already run 10k I'll ask Jaymie to run with me. Knowing this woman, she'll be more than delighted to run even in the middle of a storm.

Yesterday afternoon when the LTO staff handed me my new Driver's License, I read and reread and reread (repeat 100x) my new name: DEL ROSARIO, NORA DE ALA. I couldn't believe that after 5 years of waiting, I'm back to my beautiful name again. I almost hugged and kissed the person beside me. I wanted to jump with joy and shout at the entire universe that I am now back to being "me" again.

But wait. I specifically asked for a correction in my first name as well. I have been using Nora all my life but Norberta-Nora appears in my passport since it is based on my birth certificate. The same is true with my Marriage Certificate. When I went to the bank to apply for a change in name, there was no problem with changing my married name to del Rosario again. The discrepancy lied in my first name. They requested me to submit an affidavit stating that Norberta-Nora and Nora del Rosario are one and the same. They also wanted another ID (preferably my driver's license) aside from my passport showing my true name.

To make a long story short, I submitted to LTO my 1) Marriage Certificate with Annotation of Nullity, 2) Birth Certificate and 3) Affidavit of "one and the same". I even explained to one superior there what name should appear in my driver's license.

Frankly, I am quite happy with my old, plain name Nora but for purposes of consistency in all my personal records, I have to carry Norberta-Nora though against my will. And so, I had to go back this morning to LTO to settle this issue once and for all.

While waiting for my new driver's license, I recalled the past 5 years that I have waited for my status to be single again. I wonder why the first question that people will ask upon knowing that I filed for annulment is "Ang laki siguro ng nagastos mo noh? Mahal ang magpa-annul." My ready answer would be: P100,000 is a small price to pay for one's independence. Freedom is priceless. Then their next question would be "Ang tagal mong nag-antay. 5 years!" I just smile and tell them: 5 years is nothing compared to a lifetime of misery and pain.

When the LTO personnel finally handed me my new driver's license, I read and reread and reread (repeat 100x) my new name: DEL ROSARIO, NORBERTA-NORA DE ALA.

I couldn't stop myself from crying, not minding the people around me. After what I've been through, I made it! I made it through the rain: 5 years of living with my narcissistic husband and another 5 years of waiting for the approval of my Petition. Thank you, thank you, Lord!

When It's Raining Mad

Much as I wanted to run in the heavy rains, I still opt to stay indoors for the pursuit of self-preservation rather than the pursuit of my happiness. Now, let's see. It's 10 months to go before our 5k fun run and we are stuck inside the perimeters of our homes (or offices if you're not a full-time mother like me) because of the storm. I can't run on the treadmill because I don't have one, but below are some activities we could do while waiting for the sun to come out.

1. Strength train using dumb bells or crunch ball or resistance ball. Unless you've been strength training for the past year or more, never use all of these at the same time. Pick only one. And do it every other day to allow our muscles to relax. For a more detailed explanation why we need to strength train, you may visit http://www.sparkpeople.com/.

2. Pedal your stationary bike which you have been neglecting for a long time now (I sure am guilty of this) for 15-30 minutes.

3. Walk/run up and down the stairs for 30 minutes. Be sure the steps are not too shiny to avoid slipping.

4. Jump rope. Alone or with your 2 kids.

5. Hula hoop. I do 500 rounds to the right and 500 to the left.

6. Stretching/Flexibility Exercises

7. Sitting exercises (while watching your favorite TV show)

8. Dance the disco, cha-cha or whatever

9. Sweat it out with your favorite exercise video. Mine is Aerokaebo--a combination of aerobics, karate and boxing.

10. If you don't have an exercise video, there's two at Solar Sports channel every 6:00 AM and 6:30 AM.

So there. We don't have to skip our training just because it's raining mad outside. Good luck to all of us!