It is said that the greatest gift a father can give his children is to be faithful to their mother.
What happens when the father intentionally or unintentionally deny his children of this priceless gift?
There are 4 possible scenarios:
SCENARIO 1: The husband truly loves his wife but was allegedly seduced by a captivating woman. He hastily asks forgiveness from his wife and swears over his dear ancestors’ graves that he will never ever be tempted again. The wife, understanding as she is, readily forgives her husband. She accepts him with loving arms and just like that—they put the past behind them. Both of them look forward to a brighter and happier future ahead of them.
What if the good husband goes astray the 2nd time? The 3rd time? The 4th time?
Is there a limit to the number of times a wife should forgive her philandering husband? Is it until he offended her 70 X 7 times as mandated in the Holy Bible? (But he is my freaking husband! Not my brother—you roll your eyes at me.) I could almost hear the screams of hot-tempered wives out there: “the next time that bastard cheats on me again, he’s gonna be castrated, his balls finely chopped and fed to the hungry dogs!”
What is my take on this? Brace yourselves because it’s not what you think. I believe that a wife should grant her husband mercy and pardon. (Hah? I know this is quite shocking for you but you may now please close your mouth) Before you throw me a punch or slap me twice, allow me to state my stringent conditions: First, he must sincerely beg for forgiveness. Second, he automatically cuts all relations with the other woman. Third, he will avoid all occasions where his faithfulness will be compromised. Lastly, he promises that if and when he will accidentally slip again, he will do everything within his powers to hide it from me. (Ignorance is bliss?) I’m sure my favorite son is glaring at me now for he vehemently objects my POV.
SCENARIO 2: The husband allegedly loves his wife but falls madly in love with a bewitching woman—the kind of woman his wife could never be. Even then, he doesn’t want to lose his family. But at the same time, he cannot live without his mistress. He wants the best of both worlds. He selfishly intends to keep both his family and his woman. If the wife doesn’t consent (there are some wives I personally know who submit themselves to this special arrangement), then the husband has to choose between his family and his ladylove. If he cannot give up his girlfriend, then the marriage may end up in Legal Separation or in the granting of a Petition for Marriage Annulment or in a simple amicable settlement or worst, in barbaric and savage confrontations. The children are the ones who suffer in the middle of this all. While the husband and the wife may easily adapt to their new status, the children may lose themselves in the process. Counseling may be needed to heal the deepest wounds of coping with a broken family.
SCENARIO 3: The husband drowns in the arms of his new-found love and recklessly abandons his family. When this happens, family members struggle with a myriad of conflicting emotions. They stumble in the dark finding their way through the 5 stages of grief (DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION, and ultimately, ACCEPTANCE). While a handful recovers easily, some may never get over depression. They endlessly wallow in self-pity and lose their dignity as human beings. If you are still lost after a year of desertion, I suggest you seek the help of a Clinical Psychologist like Dino Ubalde.
SCENARIO 4: The husband is a true-blooded Casanova. He is never satiated with the company of one woman but hungrily craves for several beds to warm. The decision to keep the marriage depends on the wife, whether she’s willing to be a modern-day martyr or choose to live as an ordinary mortal. There are families, however, who have no qualms embracing polygamous affairs. Even if the man converts to Islam, he can only have a maximum of 4 wives. And yet there exists in our society husbands who sustain more than 4 families. Surprisingly though, some appear to be living harmoniously with each other.
I remember Nanay telling me over and over again before: “Minsan lang mangaliwa ang Tatay mo, magtago na siya sa pinanggalingan nya!” I had the chance to ask my father why he never once cheated on my mother. He answered me “the best gift I can give you is to be faithful to your mother.” But then he added: “Hindi ako takot sa Nanay mo. TAKOT AKO SA YO!” (I wasn’t afraid of your mother. I am afraid of you!)
I love you Tatay! Happy Father’s Day!
EPILOGUE:
There is in fact a fifth scenario: The husband is happily living with his wife in public while keeping his mistress in private (yes, he appears to have dual personality but he’s definitely not a schizophrenic). A second family may exist without the knowledge of his original family. His dark secret could only be spilled during his wake or funeral when his second family suddenly appears. I actually dreaded this possibility when my father passed away in 2012. With great anxiety, I waited and waited but thank God and all the angels and saints—nobody came! Truth to be told: TAKOT TALAGA SA AKIN ANG TATAY KO! (My father was really afraid of me!)
Happy Father’s Day sa lahat ng mga tumatayong ama sa kanilang tahanan! Pagpalain nawa tayong lahat ng Poong Maykapal! (Happy Father’s Day to everybody who assume the role of fathers in their respective households. God bless us all!)
(Thanks for dropping by my blog. Feel free to send your comments or reactions via Messenger or to ndelr62@gmail.com. Stay safe everyone!)
