THE BEST GIFT A FATHER CAN GIVE HIS CHILDREN

 It is said that the greatest gift a father can give his children is to be faithful to their mother.

What happens when the father intentionally or unintentionally deny his children of this priceless gift?

There are 4 possible scenarios:

SCENARIO 1:  The husband truly loves his wife but was allegedly seduced by a captivating woman.  He hastily asks forgiveness from his wife and swears over his dear ancestors’ graves that he will never ever be tempted again.  The wife, understanding as she is, readily forgives her husband.  She accepts him with loving arms and just like that—they put the past behind them.  Both of them look forward to a brighter and happier future ahead of them.

What if the good husband goes astray the 2nd time?  The 3rd time?  The 4th time?

Is there a limit to the number of times a wife should forgive her philandering husband?  Is it until he offended her 70 X 7 times as mandated in the Holy Bible?  (But he is my freaking husband!  Not my brother—you roll your eyes at me.)  I could almost hear the screams of hot-tempered wives out there: “the next time that bastard cheats on me again, he’s gonna be castrated, his balls finely chopped and fed to the hungry dogs!”

What is my take on this?  Brace yourselves because it’s not what you think.  I believe that a wife should grant her husband mercy and pardon. (Hah?  I know this is quite shocking for you but you may now please close your mouth)  Before you throw me a punch or slap me twice, allow me to state my stringent conditions:  First, he must sincerely beg for forgiveness.  Second, he automatically cuts all relations with the other woman.  Third, he will avoid all occasions where his faithfulness will be compromised.  Lastly, he promises that if and when he will accidentally slip again, he will do everything within his powers to hide it from me.  (Ignorance is bliss?)  I’m sure my favorite son is glaring at me now for he vehemently objects my POV.

SCENARIO 2:  The husband allegedly loves his wife but falls madly in love with a bewitching woman—the kind of woman his wife could never be.  Even then, he doesn’t want to lose his family.  But at the same time, he cannot live without his mistress.  He wants the best of both worlds.  He selfishly intends to keep both his family and his woman.  If the wife doesn’t consent (there are some wives I personally know who submit themselves to this special arrangement), then the husband has to choose between his family and his ladylove.  If he cannot give up his girlfriend, then the marriage may end up in Legal Separation or in the granting of a Petition for Marriage Annulment or in a simple amicable settlement or worst, in barbaric and savage confrontations.  The children are the ones who suffer in the middle of this all.  While the husband and the wife may easily adapt to their new status, the children may lose themselves in the process.  Counseling may be needed to heal the deepest wounds of coping with a broken family.

SCENARIO 3:  The husband drowns in the arms of his new-found love and recklessly abandons his family.  When this happens, family members struggle with a myriad of conflicting emotions.  They stumble in the dark finding their way through the 5 stages of grief (DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION, and ultimately, ACCEPTANCE).  While a handful recovers easily, some may never get over depression.  They endlessly wallow in self-pity and lose their dignity as human beings.  If you are still lost after a year of desertion, I suggest you seek the help of a Clinical Psychologist like Dino Ubalde.

SCENARIO 4:  The husband is a true-blooded Casanova.  He is never satiated with the company of one woman but hungrily craves for several beds to warm.  The decision to keep the marriage depends on the wife, whether she’s willing to be a modern-day martyr or choose to live as an ordinary mortal.  There are families, however, who have no qualms embracing polygamous affairs.  Even if the man converts to Islam, he can only have a maximum of 4 wives.  And yet there exists in our society husbands who sustain more than 4 families.  Surprisingly though, some appear to be living harmoniously with each other.

I remember Nanay telling me over and over again before:  “Minsan lang mangaliwa ang Tatay mo, magtago na siya sa pinanggalingan nya!”  I had the chance to ask my father why he never once cheated on my mother.  He answered me “the best gift I can give you is to be faithful to your mother.”  But then he added: “Hindi ako takot sa Nanay mo.  TAKOT AKO SA YO!” (I wasn’t afraid of your mother. I am afraid of you!)

I love you Tatay!  Happy Father’s Day!

EPILOGUE:

There is in fact a fifth scenario:  The husband is happily living with his wife in public while keeping his mistress in private (yes, he appears to have dual personality but he’s definitely not a schizophrenic).  A second family may exist without the knowledge of his original family.  His dark secret could only be spilled during his wake or funeral when his second family suddenly appears.  I  actually dreaded this possibility when my father passed away in 2012.  With great anxiety, I waited and waited but thank God and all the angels and saints—nobody came!  Truth to be told:  TAKOT TALAGA SA AKIN ANG TATAY KO! (My father was really afraid of me!)

Happy Father’s Day sa lahat ng mga tumatayong ama sa kanilang tahanan!  Pagpalain nawa tayong lahat ng Poong Maykapal! (Happy Father’s Day to everybody who assume the role of fathers in their respective households. God bless us all!)

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EIA’S WISH FOR MY 63rd BIRTHDAY

 Eia is my 21-yr-old daughter with Down Syndrome who has been coping with Bipolar Disorder since 2016.

Just the other night, Eia surprised me by asking “Do you have a boyfriend Mama?

Me:   I don’t have a boyfriend.

Eia:  But you have an EX.

Me:  Are you referring to your Papa?

Eia:  Yes, Mama.  Do you love him?

Me:  Yes, I did love him.

Eia:  Why did you break up with him?

Me:  Because he did not love me.  (Pause.)  Are you sad that your Papa is not living with us?

Eia:  No, Mama.  I am not sad.

With a reassuring smile, she hugged and kissed me.

EPILOGUE

Eia:  Happy bday Mama!

Me:  Thank you Eia!

Eia:  Do you want a boyfriend, Mama?

Me:  Do you want me to have a boyfriend?

Eia:  SANA!

Me:  Why do you want Mama to have a boyfriend?

Eia:  Because you have an EX when Kuya and I were still small.

Me:  Do you want your Papa to be my boyfriend?

Eia:  No, Mama.  Papa is your EX.  I want you to have a new boyfriend.

Today is my 63rd birthday.  Lord, please grant Eia’s wish.  Magkita na sana kami ng soulmate ko!

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MY INDEPENDENCE DAY (The Greatest Escape)

19 years ago today, I chose to give up my marriage and started a solo-parent life with Gio and Eia.

For someone who has been a hopeless romantic and sought-after matchmaker, I never thought a day will come when I had to run away from my husband with my 2 children in tow.  He searched for us in Las Piñas City, Cavite, Laguna, Pampanga, and Bulacan but unfortunately for him, we fled to the Queen City of the South.

It only took me 3 seconds to fall in love with my Prince Charming but took me 3 loooong years to finally fall out of love with him after making the heartbreaking decision that I would intentionally detach myself from him.

Giving up doesn’t always mean that you’re weak.  Sometimes, it means that you’re strong enough to let go and brave enough to change your future.

Why May 14 you may ask?

May 10 was Nanay’s birthday.  I couldn’t possibly ruin her 68th birthday.

We couldn’t leave May 11 because the following day, May 12 was Mother’s Day, a supposedly day of celebration. 

We couldn’t escape on the 13th because of color coding hahahah  .  .  .   So May 14 was the closest day after the festivities.

Today, I celebrate my Freedom Day.  Tonight, I will indulge myself with  ice-cold SanMig Zero and my favorite pulutan chicharon bulaklak. 

CHEERS!

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Ang Makukay na Daigdig ni Nora (My Colorful Life: Part 2)

This is Part 2 of the post I published last Aug. 12, 2011.  I am feeling nostalgic today, missing my dear father, who kept on telling me that none of his dreams actually came true.  So here goes:

6.  My father’s dream was to have a wife close to his age so they would grow old together.  Though his dream wasn’t fulfilled, I still feel he was lucky to have a wife 10 years younger than him.  I did not dream of any age for my future husband but the father of my children was 12 years YOUNGER than me. (Yes, I suffered the accusation of being a cradle snatcher!)

7.  My father’s dream was to get married to an only daughter and raise 10 beautiful children with her.  But fate turned his life around.  His wife had 9 siblings and they only had me as their only child (can you even imagine Tatay’s frustation?  I was teasing him that God probably heard his prayer wrong, kasi baliktad ang nangyari!)

8.  My father dreamed of a housewife who will take care of their nest and receive him with open arms when he gets back from work everyday.  He married a careerwoman who was never at home when he returns from his daily grind.  I dreamed that I would be a plain housewife when I get married.  I would manage the household and be a loving hands-on-mom to my kids.  I won’t be a careerwoman like my mother who prioritized her work over her only daughter.  So when I got married, I practically retired and stayed home, visiting our businesses only once a week.

9.  My father dreamed of being a great provider to his family but he willingly switched roles with his wife.    Nanay became the majority breadwinner and Tatay took the responsibility of taking care of me.

10. Tatay was honest enough to reveal that he barely passed the Radio Telecommunications Licensure Exam though he dreamed of having a score higher than 75%.  Nanay, on the other hand, topped the Midwifery Board Exam with a grade of 99%.  (Nanay may be having memory lapses every now and then but her being a Board Topnotcher has been the topic of our family dinners for @350 days out of the 365 days a year hahahah  .  .  . )

11.  My father’s parents spent 77 years together.  Tatay dreamed of a Diamond Anniversary as well but he and Nanay only celebrated 55 years of marriage before he said goodbye in 2012.  My Ex-Prince Charming and I were only together for 5 years before I took my 2 precious jewels  and successfully escaped far from him but that is of course another story.

To be continued  .  .  .

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“IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL”

The first time I laid my eyes on him, time stood still.

Literally.

When I glanced at my watch to check if he made it to our 7pm appointment, I found out that my watch stopped running at 7pm hahahah  .  .  .

He was 50 meters away from me but I could tell he was taller than 5’7” because he was able to reach the lock of our gate from the outside.

When he finally entered the premises of our garments workshop, I thought I was staring at Miguel Rodriguez in the flesh.  I told myself “THIS IS THE MAN I AM GOING TO MARRY!”

He flashed a smile that simply took my breath away.

I had to remind myself that I should breathe in, breathe out or I would die!  I consciously forced myself to inhale and exhale.

Feeling that my heart would burst and my wobbling knees would fall, I struggled to say “pasok ka”.

Hearing his cue, he walked elegantly towards me.  He was gallantly dressed and wore polished shoes. I gasped at the way he carried himself.  Everything about him was tantalizing.  It reminded me of how Lino Brocka was mesmerized to take Philip Salvador under his wings and became his protege after observing Philip strode gracefully towards him during his audition to stardom  .  .  .   I felt the same way.

When we were finally face to face opposite each other, he briefly introduced himself and tenderly shook my hands.  The moment we touched, I felt a bolt of electricity hit me and spread throughout my body.

I couldn’t help but admire his captivating voice, his enigmatic smile, his perfectly chiseled teeth, his well-kept wavy hair.  His delicate hands and very clean fingernails surprised me the most.  I came from a lineage of mechanics and I have never seen dirt-free fingernails of my mechanic uncles and cousins.  And how could the hands of a mechanic be softer than mine?  Unbelievable!

Random thoughts instantly filled my curious mind.  “Maybe this guy come from an affluent family and fixing industrial sewing machines is just one of his hobbies.  Or he’s really a ramp model and a sewing mechanic on the side.”

“Are you sure you’re a mechanic and not a fashion model?” I blurted out.

He almost choked laughing and assured me that he was the guy I’m waiting for.  (“YES YOU ARE!”—I screamed inside.)

I teased him that if he ever wanted to change profession and enter the world of entertainment, I would be willing to be his Talent Manager. We both laughed at what I said, as if we’ve been best friends since forever.

Some impossible dreams actually come true and the fantasy of marrying my Prince Charming became a reality.

5 years after that surreal meeting, I just woke up one morning wearing the wedding ring of my Knight in Shining Armour .  .  .  Or so I thought.

5 years later, I just woke up one morning scheming how I could break free from this fairy tale.  What they say is true.  Love at first sight carries an expiration date.

5 years later, I just woke up one morning celebrating my Single Status again!  Out of the thousands who filed for a Petition for Marriage Annulment in our Family Court, mine was the only one granted.

Today is this person’s 51st birthday.  I thank God for giving him to me to be the father of my 2 precious jewels Gio and Eia.  Our union may be short-lived but he gave me 2 special children to be with me forever.  Gio and Eia taught me what unconditional love and true happiness meant.

To Jackie of Love Radio who had the dilemma of whether to remain single and regret it for the rest of her life OR get married and wished she were dead—take it from Alfred Lord Tennyson.

IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL!

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What Time Is It?

A former Elementary admirer recently asked me why I was still working when I should be relaxing already.

I am almost 63 but working still.  Not because I want to but because I need to.  When laziness creeps in, I turn to this reminder I made during one of those days when I just wanted to surrender and give up (and wished that God bless me with a darling hubby who would provide for our family hahahah  .  .  .  ).

My reminder says:

HEY YOU:

There will come a time when you will no longer need to actively work inorder to earn money.  You may still work but not because you need to, but because you want to. That day will come when you can just relax the whole day watching Kissasian.sh (Netfix to some) and passive income will still come pouring in.  There will ccme a time when you will no longer need to be stringent with your household budget because your earnings will outlive even your children’s or dependents’  life spans.

But that time is NOT now.

Today you work hard.  

Serve your clients’ needs with passion, love and diligence.

Expand your comfort zone.

Broaden your territory.

Maximize your side hustle.

Constantly search for investment opportunities.

Find more ways to grow your finances.

Now is NOT the time to relax.

Now is the time to work really hard.

PRIORITIZE.

How about you?  If you re-examine your life now, is it time to pause or time to pivot?  Is it time to relax or time to work hard?  Do you recklessly spend in your spare time instead of finding ways to earn more?

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The Pain of Losing Tatay and the Joy of Running 50k at 55

Ran my first 5k Race when I turned 50.  

5 years later, I dared to attempt my first 50k.

For someone who vowed never to run beyond 5k, it took a tragic incident to trigger the passion and the purpose to run an ultramarathon.

My father and mother never agreed on anything but strangely enough, they were both against my running and joining races.  They had a litany of reasons why I should stop “acting like a child”.  I argued with them that running was therapeutic for me—much cheaper than engaging with a psychotherapist.  They would uselessly worry everytime I join a race but couldn’t do anything to prevent me (their precious unica hija) from leaving the comfort of our home.

Then sometime before Nov. 4, 2012, the unexpected happened.  Without any lingering medical illness, Tatay announced out of the blue:  “Pagod na ako.  Gusto ko ng magpahinga.”  (I am tired. I want to rest.) And by that he meant to Rest In Peace, not just to take a break. I suggested that we bring him to the hospital but he refused warning us “Kung gusto nyo na akong mamatay, dalhin nyo ako sa ospital.” (If you want me to die, bring me to the hospital). Instead, he specifically asked for my friend Mimi who is now a renowned gastroenterologist.  Mimi rushed to Las Piñas City from Batasan Hills, Quezon City together with Elsa and Malou, all friends from my dearest hometown Marbel, South Cotabato. Thanks to them, I saw Tatay very happy!

When Mimi examined Tatay, she was honest enough to warn me that Tatay would be most likely to leave very soon.  She said we should be ready for the worst.  But how can one be ready to let go of a father or a mother?  The following day, Nov. 4, 2012, her geriatrician Dra. Joy came. She confirmed what Mimi told us but only this time, she was direct that Tatay won’t be around the next day.

Fearing for the unknown, I frantically informed his remaining siblings, friends, and relatives to visit him that very day so they could still talk to him while he was still with us. People close to my father came from near and far to see him. He still cracked jokes and laughed with them until evening. Seeing how delighted he was with the people he loved, we thought Tatay would still be with us for many years.

Inspite of Dra. Joy’s advice, we did not anticipate that after we arrived from the 8:30 PM Sunday Mass, Tatay would breathe his last.

I used to believe that unrequited love was the most painful of all human experiences.

I was wrong.

The passing away of someone you deeply love digs a hole in your heart that you cannot seem to endure.  You would have just wanted to disappear from the face of the earth but choose to hang on because your family needs you to care for them.

Everyday since my father’s untimely demise up to his 1st Death Anniversary, I wore black. Everything from undies, running gear, tennis outfit, house garments, outside clothes, business attire, cocktail dress, long gown, to my sleepwear were dominantly black.  For me, black complemented my sorrow and pain.

I worked harder and ran longer but shunned away from any organized race from November 2012 until November 2013.  It was my deliberate form of sacrifice to pay respect to my dear Tatay, to send a message that my heart was profusely grieving.

Working harder kept me occupied and running longer kept me sane.  I thought of doing something spectacular and significant that would commemorate the end of my whole-year hiatus from foot races. That’s when the crazy idea of joining a 50k Ultramarathon toyed my mind.

 I have raised funds for DSAPI (Down Syndrome Assn. of the Phils. Inc.) when I ran my first 5k Race and first marathon (42.195km).  It would logically be appropriate that I level up to 50k Ultra if I were to raise funds for DSAPI again.  I have already been logging more miles into my personal Training Journal.  I have run distances I never thought I could run before.  As the saying goes—YOU CAN’T RUN AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS, BUT YOU CAN RUN YOUR PROBLEMS AWAY!

Besides, Tatay won’t needlessly worry about me running 50k anymore because he was no longer living with us.  This time around, he could be looking down from heaven joyfully clapping his hands cheering for me!